giant-mutant-sewer-rats
What are Giant Mutant Sewer Rats
Giant mutant sewer rats are just like normal rats except for a few minor differences.
- Most importantly normal rats under normal conditions are not bloodthirsty... Mutant Sewer Rats are.
- A normal rat can fit in your hand.... A Mutant Sewer Rat will eat your hand.
- Rats have a diet that consists of seeds, nuts, and insects, as well as food scraps.... Mutant Sewer Rats eat people.
- The average lifespan of a typical rat is 2-3 years... Mutant Sewer Rats live way too long.
- A teaspoon of rat poison is enough to kill a normal rat.... Sewer Rats eat rat poison for breakfast.
Using these criteria you should be able to spot the difference between a normal rat and a rat that just crawled out of the sewer and is covered in green glowing goop.
Why is it important to know the difference between a normal rat and a Mutant Sewer Rat?
Knowing the difference between normal rats and mutant rats is very important to know. It can mean the difference between being scared by a rat and being dinner for a rat.
This basic knowledge is also a great way to impress people you know.
How did our sewer rat problem turn into a Mutant Sewer Rat problem?
There is actually a quite logical explanation for why we have so many mutant rats.
Back in the 1930's nuclear power plants were under enormous pressure to produce more power at lower cost. That coupled with the carefree "what's the worst that could happen" attitude of the time was the perfect conditions for what has for generations been referred to as a "bad move".
The new "Nuclear Waste is Good For the Environment" campaign was in full swing and so they dumped their waste into the sewer.
Fast forward 60 years to the early part of the 90's. George W Bush is president, The first McDonald's in Moscow, Russia opens, and mutant rats are crawling out of the sewers. The people at the nuclear power plant noticed the "not-much-larger-than-normal-rats" and knew they had to act quickly.
All of the top executives met and agreed upon a solution. They opened a pet store.
The mutant rats were sold to rich women who kept the rats in large purses. It was a good year for the nuclear industry.
So why do we have Giant Mutant Sewer Rats?
A small portion of the rats reacted differently to the nuclear waste, they were still just as ugly and annoying as the Mutant Rats being sold in pet stores across America. These rats grew to the size of a Volkswagen Beetle. They also developed a taste for blood and carnage.
What can we do about the about all the Giant Mutant Sewer Rats?
Unfortunately the time to act came and went. May 27th 1953, 2:25 pm. I know, I missed it too. Now our only option is to battle them.
I urge you to take up arms against our furry Volkswagen Beetle sized invaders. Together we can beat them back down into the sewers. Only then we will be free. Of course eventually we will eventually forget about them until they emerge decades later with futuristic weapons the likes of which could only have been fashioned by Giant Mutant Sewer Rats that have continued to consume large amounts of nuclear waste.
This is our world and we won't let it go lightly.
Follow Me On Twitter
